And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
