Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
