I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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