Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
