So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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