Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize