just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
