Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
