Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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