call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
