Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
