Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
