She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
