Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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