A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
