the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
