we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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