his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So many bounce houses so little time
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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