so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
