HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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