I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
