I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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