drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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