I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
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I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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