So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
