my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
