I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
now i know why i became what i already was.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
