did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
