first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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