The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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