so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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