I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
