he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
