My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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