I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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