Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize