he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
