YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
