I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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