I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
