Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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