Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
