I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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