your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
