I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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