Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Of course I have a pirate flag
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
