Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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