How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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