There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
