my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i love accidental penises.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
