i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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