Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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