pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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