...so i touched it.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
