it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
