I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize