awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
