Don't make out with my wife yet
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
