Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
