remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
