i don't like sucking hair
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
