YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
