I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
