you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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