i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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