It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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