her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
