she woke up with a sticky ear
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
