hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Randomize
