You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
