Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
