Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
