I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
