did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
