The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
