he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
