I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
