Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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