if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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